Parents and siblings

Individuation and the reorganization of parent-teen relationships

Adolescence marks a distinct period when the relationship between youth and parents becomes reorganized. This reorganization is often marked by a change in parental authority. In childhood, authority is unilaterally applied and children may have little say in decision making. As children move into adolescence, they start to view their parents more as as imperfect individuals rather than all knowing figures (Katie’s lecture, 2017). This change helps them satisfy a need to form an identity that is distinct from their parents(Katie’s lecture, 2017). Parental authority may become limited to certain areas, and teens may take part in more decision making. Most theorists find that individuality becomes a focus of this time period.

Adolescence is also a time when teens attempt to find a sense of individuality separate from others. Individuation, or the process of finding a balance between relating through separation and connection, is part of the reorganization of the parent-teen relationship (Youniss, & Smollar, 1985). Thus, teens begin to move away from total dependence from their parents, but they still remain connected to them. As such, it’s important for parents to provide teens some separation and space to have a private life. At the same time, teens do not require total separation. Over time, they come to see their parents more as advisors or confidants rather than authoritarians.

Parents' role in teen development

Youniss, & Smollar’s(1985) early research into adolescent and parent relations noted the different roles that mothers and fathers can play in teen’s lives. For instance, they found that fathers tend to play an instrumental role in teen’s lives, offering help with career or school advice. They describe mothers as providing more of the emotional/social support. Thus, they conclude that fathers may enable the separation that teens need; mothers may provide more of the closeness and connection. However, there is growing recognition that these roles are more fluid, and different types of caregivers can support teens’ individuation needs. What is most important is that teens have someone they can go to for both emotional/social and instrumental advice.

Siblings and the family unit

The family unit as a whole also plays a role in impacting teen’s development. In fact, teens often spend more time with their siblings than parents. Adolescents may serve as gatekeepers, or teachers of cultural knowledge, and practical skills for their younger siblings. These relationships also provide youth with space to practice social behaviors. As with peers, sibling relationships become testbeds for practicing conflict resolution skills. In addition, the family as a whole contributes to teens’ development. Family stories that are passed down and communicate values, roles, and culture. Events such as family vacations can serve as rights of passage (Katie’s lecture, 2017).